Share It Until It Goes Away

Quite some time ago now, thankfully, a friend shared something in a meeting I'll never forget because soon after he picked up another white chip.

His name was Paul and he had ten years sober at the time. It was a meeting in Patchogue, NY at 10am on a Tues.

The sharing had made its way around the room before Paul spoke up. The first words out of his mouth were "I have a disease that is telling me that you are all full of sh**!"

As much as he knew that was untrue, it was how he felt at that moment.

I'm certain that there were many things he could have done, tools galore he could have picked up rather than picking up a drink but that's what he did.

I was thankful when he came back...

I can relate completely with his feelings. I often feel like you are all hypocrites. And I feel abandoned. And I'm sick of the BS I see and don't see.

But that doesn't change my powerlessness. I am as powerless over alcohol right now as I ever was. I have an entire spiritual toolkit to pick from. I will suit up and show up today. Yes, I've begun much of this with the letter "I." I understand that also...

"I'm responsible for the effort, not the outcome."

Right now, that small ditty disgusts me. And I know I'll get judged for that because that is what so many call helping. Well, your putrid judgments don't help at all.

It is still incredibly difficult for me to believe that one (or more) of "us" actually went out of their way to inform newcomers not to go to a meeting because it allowed crosstalk. I've got some not very pretty and choice words for you animals who did that in the name of sodriety.

And this "God is preparing someone special for you" garbage needs to just go away, far away. Yeah, therein lies the crux of my problem. So many of "we" let the 13th steppers get away with their "crimes" and yet "we" tell Mark he's soooo wunnerful because he lives by principles. I'm not giving those principles up but you folks who turn a blind eye to that behavior ought to fetch yourselves up.

And it ain't worth drinking over, or at - whatever the perfectionists wish. I continue to be worth not drinking!