No Absolutes Eh?

There are those who are willing to countermand good solid experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. Yep! Sorry to burst your bubble :)

The question was (basically) "my mom can't be here on my 60th day so, is it all right to pick up my 60 day chip on my 58th day when mom is here?"

And the wise (imho) responses said "no, it isn't okay because we haven't earned 60 days in 58 days."

To which someone replied "Oh No! Are you the A.A. police? How dictorial! I don't give any absolutes to my sponsees and you're giving an absolute?"

For which my thoughts are;

Death is an absolute, fool! Death erases all hope and opportunity and even the bs. Death is absolutely - THE END!

To drink is to die...

What is it about working a program that is proven to work that you don't understand? What is it about working a program that has been proven NOT to work (YOUR program) that you've seemingly forgotten?

The Power of Choice Restored?

Is that really what this says? I don't think so because I don't see it here. Oh, btw, if I happen to feel the Big Book is the Holy Grail of recovery for me, who are you to question that?

From pages 84-85;

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."

This part of our Big Book is not meant as a rebuttal to page 24 as someone used in our meeting last night. And please, don't try to bring me over to "your side" on this issue. I am powerless over drink. I'm not getting the choice back, ever! Don't mislead newcomers into believing, or even thinking, they might regain the choice either!

How Interesting... Getting Unfriended

Feelings aren't factual! That's right...

This feels strange. It's the social phenomenon called Facebook, friends, and then getting unfriended. You notice that a person can be added as a friend but say to yourself "wait a minute, we're already friends. What's up with that?"

Well, silly me, I keep my confirmation emails. And darn if it isn't right there! On April 20th. Yep, we were friends. But now we're not anymore. Hmmmm???

So, the first, initial feeling is really WTF? What did I do to be unfriended? And the answer is - NOTHING AT ALL!

The truth behind it no longer makes a difference, to me. If this person felt something towards me that caused them to unfriend me, it most certainly was their feeling, not mine. There was nothing in our interactions that gave cause for resentments. We barely know each other and that is simply from meetings.

Besides, true friends? True friends communicate, talk things through, work the Steps on the situation, show respect and forgive. True friends understand that humility is a priceless quality in recovery. True friends "take a beating and keep on ticking."

I am reminded that "if God is for me, who can be against me."

And I remember that, today, sober, I am capable of having friends.

This One Hurts

I am extremely happy for my friend in San Diego who called last night and left a positive message. A week ago he wasn't sure of a lot of things and now he says God has taken care of his needs. He ended the message by referring to page 317 in the Fourth Edition...

"When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide. When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable, and discontent. It is always my choice."

That is a choice I have today - do the right thing or not, not about drinking alcohol but about all the rest of life. I continue to believe that God will keep me unharmed because I am on the firing line of life with the right motives. But the story "My Chance To Live" doesn't end there...

She goes on to speak about life not heaping monetary riches on her head and I relate. She mentions that no amount of money or fame could equal what has been given her and I relate. She mentions being able to walk down any street, anywhere, without the fear of meeting someone I've harmed and I'd love to relate but despite all my amends there are those who have remained in their anger towards me. Loved ones.

Most importantly, she talks about her thoughts of not being consumed with craving for the next drink or regret for the damage she'd done on the last drunk. The craving has been removed - thank you God! I'm not so sure about not regretting the damage I did on those drunks.

What I cannot say but would love to relate to is what she ends with - she has been blessed with children who have never seen her drunk. Can't change that...

She has a spouse who loves her simply because she is - mine thought I was using AA to escape from reality and then there was something so wrong with me my touch was horrifying. She has regained the respect of her family - somehow because I am sober I am worse than before in their eyes and I don't understand. She asks "what more could a broken-down drunk ask for?" I know the answer to that question.

Yet I remain willing to do the right thing. And you won't smell alcohol on my breath. So, go figure...

What Is An Informed Group Conscience?

Use as you might see fit...

"The group conscience is the collective conscience of the group membership and thus represents substantial unanimity on an issue before definitive action is taken. This is achieved by the group members through the sharing of full information, individual points of view, and the practice of A.A, principles. To be fully informed requires a willingness to listen to minority opinions with an open mind.


On sensitive issues, the group works slowly - discouraging formal motions until a clear sense of its collective view emerges. Placing principles before personalities, the membership is wary of dominant opinions. Its voice is heard when a well-informed group arrives at a decision. The result rests on more than a "yes" or "no" count - precisely because it is the spiritual expression of the group conscience. The term "informed group conscience" implies that pertinent information has been studied and all views have been heard before the group votes."

I especially enjoy reading "wary of dominant opinions..."

It'll Be Different This Time - I Swear!

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink."

I could ask what is so challenging about that statement but I know. Even I didn't understand that this means I am doomed to take the next drink... unless

"Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

Unless I get help. Alcoholics Anonymous has given me that help.

I Want To Pay Attention To This

Bob Pearson at the 1986 General Service Conference (found at Facebook)...

I echo those who feel that if this Fellowship ever falters or fails, it will not be because of any outside cause. No, it will not be because of treatment centers or professionals in the field, or non-Conference-approved literature, or young people, or the dually-addicted, or even the "druggies" trying to come to our closed meetings. If we stick close to our Traditions, Concepts, and Warranties, and if we keep an open mind and an open heart, we can deal with these and any other problems that we have or ever will have. If we ever falter and fail, it will be simply because of us. It will be because we can't control our own egos or get along well enough with each other. It will be because we have too much fear and rigidity and not enough trust and common sense.

If you were to ask me what is the greatest danger facing A.A. today, I would have to answer: the growing rigidity -- the increasing demand for absolute answers to nit-picking questions; pressure for G.S.O. to "enforce" our Traditions; screening alcoholics at closed meetings; prohibiting non-Conference-approved literature, i.e., "banning books"; laying more and more rules on groups and members. And in this trend toward rigidity, we are drifting farther and farther away from our co- founders. Bill, in particular, must be spinning in his grave, for he was perhaps the most permissive person I ever met. One of his favorite sayings was, "Every group has the right to be wrong." He was maddeningly tolerant of his critics, and he had absolute faith that faults in A.A. were self-correcting.

And I believe this, too, so in the final analysis we're not going to fall apart. We won't falter or fail. At the 1970 International Convention in Miami, I was in the audience on that Sunday morning when Bill made his brief last public appearance. He was too ill to take his scheduled part in any other convention event, but now, unannounced, on Sunday morning, he was wheeled up from the back of the stage in a wheelchair, attached with tubes to an oxygen tank. Wearing a ridiculous bright-orange, host committee blazer, he heaved his angular body to his feet and grasped the podium -- and all pandemonium broke loose. I thought the thunderous applause and cheering would never stop, tears streaming down every cheek. Finally, in a firm voice, like his old self, Bill spoke a few gracious sentences about the huge crowd, the outpouring of love, and the many overseas members there, ending (as I remember) with these words: "As I look over this crowd, I know that Alcoholics Anonymous will live a thousand years -- if it is God's will."

I can be waaaaay too rigid!

[btw - Micky, you complete a-hole, I am not gay but that doesn't mean I judge those who are. Not like you, you anti-Christ nothing.]