No Absolutes Eh?

There are those who are willing to countermand good solid experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. Yep! Sorry to burst your bubble :)

The question was (basically) "my mom can't be here on my 60th day so, is it all right to pick up my 60 day chip on my 58th day when mom is here?"

And the wise (imho) responses said "no, it isn't okay because we haven't earned 60 days in 58 days."

To which someone replied "Oh No! Are you the A.A. police? How dictorial! I don't give any absolutes to my sponsees and you're giving an absolute?"

For which my thoughts are;

Death is an absolute, fool! Death erases all hope and opportunity and even the bs. Death is absolutely - THE END!

To drink is to die...

What is it about working a program that is proven to work that you don't understand? What is it about working a program that has been proven NOT to work (YOUR program) that you've seemingly forgotten?

The Power of Choice Restored?

Is that really what this says? I don't think so because I don't see it here. Oh, btw, if I happen to feel the Big Book is the Holy Grail of recovery for me, who are you to question that?

From pages 84-85;

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."

This part of our Big Book is not meant as a rebuttal to page 24 as someone used in our meeting last night. And please, don't try to bring me over to "your side" on this issue. I am powerless over drink. I'm not getting the choice back, ever! Don't mislead newcomers into believing, or even thinking, they might regain the choice either!

How Interesting... Getting Unfriended

Feelings aren't factual! That's right...

This feels strange. It's the social phenomenon called Facebook, friends, and then getting unfriended. You notice that a person can be added as a friend but say to yourself "wait a minute, we're already friends. What's up with that?"

Well, silly me, I keep my confirmation emails. And darn if it isn't right there! On April 20th. Yep, we were friends. But now we're not anymore. Hmmmm???

So, the first, initial feeling is really WTF? What did I do to be unfriended? And the answer is - NOTHING AT ALL!

The truth behind it no longer makes a difference, to me. If this person felt something towards me that caused them to unfriend me, it most certainly was their feeling, not mine. There was nothing in our interactions that gave cause for resentments. We barely know each other and that is simply from meetings.

Besides, true friends? True friends communicate, talk things through, work the Steps on the situation, show respect and forgive. True friends understand that humility is a priceless quality in recovery. True friends "take a beating and keep on ticking."

I am reminded that "if God is for me, who can be against me."

And I remember that, today, sober, I am capable of having friends.

This One Hurts

I am extremely happy for my friend in San Diego who called last night and left a positive message. A week ago he wasn't sure of a lot of things and now he says God has taken care of his needs. He ended the message by referring to page 317 in the Fourth Edition...

"When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide. When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable, and discontent. It is always my choice."

That is a choice I have today - do the right thing or not, not about drinking alcohol but about all the rest of life. I continue to believe that God will keep me unharmed because I am on the firing line of life with the right motives. But the story "My Chance To Live" doesn't end there...

She goes on to speak about life not heaping monetary riches on her head and I relate. She mentions that no amount of money or fame could equal what has been given her and I relate. She mentions being able to walk down any street, anywhere, without the fear of meeting someone I've harmed and I'd love to relate but despite all my amends there are those who have remained in their anger towards me. Loved ones.

Most importantly, she talks about her thoughts of not being consumed with craving for the next drink or regret for the damage she'd done on the last drunk. The craving has been removed - thank you God! I'm not so sure about not regretting the damage I did on those drunks.

What I cannot say but would love to relate to is what she ends with - she has been blessed with children who have never seen her drunk. Can't change that...

She has a spouse who loves her simply because she is - mine thought I was using AA to escape from reality and then there was something so wrong with me my touch was horrifying. She has regained the respect of her family - somehow because I am sober I am worse than before in their eyes and I don't understand. She asks "what more could a broken-down drunk ask for?" I know the answer to that question.

Yet I remain willing to do the right thing. And you won't smell alcohol on my breath. So, go figure...

What Is An Informed Group Conscience?

Use as you might see fit...

"The group conscience is the collective conscience of the group membership and thus represents substantial unanimity on an issue before definitive action is taken. This is achieved by the group members through the sharing of full information, individual points of view, and the practice of A.A, principles. To be fully informed requires a willingness to listen to minority opinions with an open mind.


On sensitive issues, the group works slowly - discouraging formal motions until a clear sense of its collective view emerges. Placing principles before personalities, the membership is wary of dominant opinions. Its voice is heard when a well-informed group arrives at a decision. The result rests on more than a "yes" or "no" count - precisely because it is the spiritual expression of the group conscience. The term "informed group conscience" implies that pertinent information has been studied and all views have been heard before the group votes."

I especially enjoy reading "wary of dominant opinions..."

It'll Be Different This Time - I Swear!

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink."

I could ask what is so challenging about that statement but I know. Even I didn't understand that this means I am doomed to take the next drink... unless

"Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

Unless I get help. Alcoholics Anonymous has given me that help.

I Want To Pay Attention To This

Bob Pearson at the 1986 General Service Conference (found at Facebook)...

I echo those who feel that if this Fellowship ever falters or fails, it will not be because of any outside cause. No, it will not be because of treatment centers or professionals in the field, or non-Conference-approved literature, or young people, or the dually-addicted, or even the "druggies" trying to come to our closed meetings. If we stick close to our Traditions, Concepts, and Warranties, and if we keep an open mind and an open heart, we can deal with these and any other problems that we have or ever will have. If we ever falter and fail, it will be simply because of us. It will be because we can't control our own egos or get along well enough with each other. It will be because we have too much fear and rigidity and not enough trust and common sense.

If you were to ask me what is the greatest danger facing A.A. today, I would have to answer: the growing rigidity -- the increasing demand for absolute answers to nit-picking questions; pressure for G.S.O. to "enforce" our Traditions; screening alcoholics at closed meetings; prohibiting non-Conference-approved literature, i.e., "banning books"; laying more and more rules on groups and members. And in this trend toward rigidity, we are drifting farther and farther away from our co- founders. Bill, in particular, must be spinning in his grave, for he was perhaps the most permissive person I ever met. One of his favorite sayings was, "Every group has the right to be wrong." He was maddeningly tolerant of his critics, and he had absolute faith that faults in A.A. were self-correcting.

And I believe this, too, so in the final analysis we're not going to fall apart. We won't falter or fail. At the 1970 International Convention in Miami, I was in the audience on that Sunday morning when Bill made his brief last public appearance. He was too ill to take his scheduled part in any other convention event, but now, unannounced, on Sunday morning, he was wheeled up from the back of the stage in a wheelchair, attached with tubes to an oxygen tank. Wearing a ridiculous bright-orange, host committee blazer, he heaved his angular body to his feet and grasped the podium -- and all pandemonium broke loose. I thought the thunderous applause and cheering would never stop, tears streaming down every cheek. Finally, in a firm voice, like his old self, Bill spoke a few gracious sentences about the huge crowd, the outpouring of love, and the many overseas members there, ending (as I remember) with these words: "As I look over this crowd, I know that Alcoholics Anonymous will live a thousand years -- if it is God's will."

I can be waaaaay too rigid!

[btw - Micky, you complete a-hole, I am not gay but that doesn't mean I judge those who are. Not like you, you anti-Christ nothing.]

2010 International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous

For any of my friends out there who might not know... (no, not you Steve E., you know, lol)

Here's the link to the info at AA.org

And here's an excerpt from that site;

"The 2010 International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous will be held July 1-4 in San Antonio, Texas with the theme “A Vision for You.” A.A. members and guests from around the world will celebrate A.A.’s 75th year at this event with big meetings held Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday morning in the Alamodome. Other meetings, scheduled or informal, will take place throughout the weekend in the San Antonio Convention Center and local hotels."

And... this is important...

"Convention registration and housing reservations will open in fall 2009."

Hope to see y'all there!

Some of My Best Friends Are...

IMPO - this can sometimes be the beginning of a statement that may have some prejudice behind it. I'm using it anyway :)

I imagine there will always be some level of discussion within the rooms of AA over addicts in meetings. Some of my best friends are recovering drug addicts!

There, I said it...

Now, I passionately believe in singleness of purpose. And I believe in suggesting to our legal system they use more common sense when they mandate folks to AA. I also feel NA comes on a bit harshly when dealing with alkies in NA meetings.

Hey, I can have opinions and feelings galore - and what difference would they make? Why? Because we've already dealt with this within our literature. This certainly appears to be a solution that works under any and all circumstances;

"What would the Master do?"

Kudos to those who know where this originates...

The Foundation Principle

From the second paragraph in Step Seven in the 12&12, page 70;

"Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all."

Somehow, that's not complete...

"Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy."

Wait, there's more...

"Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency."

When the rubber hits the road... when reality bites you in the a**... this foundation is absolutely necessary.

You Never Know

You never know when you might be sponsoring your sponsor.

Yes, when I first heard that I thought "what the hey?" Then I saw it happen and I knew.

Moving forward...

Perhaps it was a newcomers' perception though, after a year, most of the fog ought to have lifted. And, perhaps it is what it was... I don't know. Of course the words and the statement themselves bear a quick look.

"I will always be the teacher and you will always be the student!" Said forcefully according to the person who related it to us.

Well, if indeed you have said anything like that to your sponsees (pigeons, whatever), I have this for you - "Oh Hell NO!!!"

G.roup O.f D.runks?

More that I can identify with from "Came To Believe."

Pgs. 86-87;

"It took some time for my guides to get me to talk to God through prayer. Before then, I used the Fellowship of A.A. and the people in it as my higher power. They were real, compassionate, and understanding, and they made me feel welcome. But my distorted sense of justice told me there was no reason for God to forgive me, so I still felt ashamed and guilty when His name was mentioned."

And... distorted I was, along with ashamed and guilty. In following years came;

"I had to have something bigger to tie to. The Fellowship as a higher power just was not enough."

Now, many years later, another truth has emerged for the same reasons.

"I have developed an enormous faith in God. He is good. My understanding is that everything He sends my way is for my benefit. But the growth of this understanding has taken time, as well as a relinquishing of my resistance to change. I needed the trials and tribulations I have had, so that I could surrender and give up self. Only in complete acceptance of the utter defeat of my pride and ego could I begin to win."

As Fr. Tom might say - this is one that has yet to make the longest trip there is - the twelve inches from my brain to my heart...

Tell My Blood

From "Came To Believe" page 73;

"I don't believe in condemning people. I have never condemned you, and the day I do will be the day I die. Condemnation is for people who are so small that they put other people down to make themselves feel big."

My God forgives me...

4th Step Resentment Prayer

Cool - I joined Facebook this weekend and have already discovered something of value there to pass on here...

Dave M. writes (or copies and pastes, I can't tell);

4th Step Resentment Prayer

"God, Please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Help me to see that this is a sick man. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Thy will be done."

This has been derived from pages 66 and 67 in the Big Blue Book.

The Next Right Thing?

Why... oh why... do we tell newcomers to just do the next right thing and then unleash them upon the world?

Our literature tells us on Page 87, paragraph 1: "Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas."

Thought - how many newcomers do I know who've actually made a conscious contact with whatever God they understand? I sit in a noon meeting where we often begin by introducing ourselves with our sobriety date and better than 3/4 of forty odd folks have less than a year of not drinking, somewhat quality dry and sober time. Later on, during the sharing, perhaps half pass - more pass when the topic is a Step.

And we have the audacity to tell them "just do the next right thing?"

If any of us were able to do the next right thing don't we think that would have been to not pick up the next drink of alcohol continuing to destroy those we love? Certainly that would have been the next right thing!

Powerlessness. I've lost the power of choice when it comes to drinking alcohol. When it comes to drinking alcohol I'm incapable of doing "the next right thing!" Why do we think these new folks are different?

Or is it our need to sound good and sound profound that drives this insanity?

I Am Your Disease

Because today a young and promising life was sadly snuffed out... by alcohol.

I AM YOUR DISEASE

I hate meetings.
I hate Higher Power.
I hate anyone who has a Twelve Step program.
To all who come in contact with me,
I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am the Disease of Alcoholism.
Cunning, baffling, and Powerful.
That’s me.

I have killed millions, and I am pleased.
I love to catch you with the element of surprise.
I love pretending I am your friend and lover.
I have given you comfort, have I not?
Wasn’t I there when you were lonely?
When you wanted to die, didn’t you call me?
I was there. I love to make you hurt.
I love to make you cry.
Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry.
You can’t feel anything at all.
This is true Glory.

I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering.
I’ve always been there for you.
When things were going right in your life, you invited me.
You said you didn’t deserve these good things and I was the only one who would agree with you.
Together we were able to destroy all the things good in your life.

People don’t take me seriously.
They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes they take seriously-fools that they are.
They don’t know that without my help, these things would not be made possible.
I am such a hated disease.
And yet, I do not come uninvited.
You choose to have me.
So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me,
I hate all of you who have a 12 step program.
Your program, your meeting, your higher power:
All weaken me and I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly.
You don’t see me.
But I am growing, bigger than ever.
WHEN YOU ONLY EXIST, I MAY LIVE.
WHEN YOU LIVE, I ONLY EXIST.
But I am here.
Until we meet again,
If we meet again,
“I WISH YOU DEATH
AND I WISH YOU SUFFERING” !!

Anonymous

Who's Suffering?

Continuing to follow through on yesterday...

"If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands."

Oh yes, we are constantly demanding in one form or another...

"In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily."

Yes, manipulation became a habit even if we don't want to admit it...

"Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant."

Again, we have placed ourselves in a position to be hurt by our words and deeds. Plus, we go whining and blaming others for our sorry situations. "Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink." We're right back where we began...

Twisted Relations - Egomania

From the Fourth Step in the 12&12 on page 53;

"But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much."

Thank God for an insightful and experienced sponsor! This part of our literature was true of him and he was able to pass this truth along to me with certainty.

April - Alcohol Awareness Month

And my first thought runs "every month ought to be..."

How do you feel when you read these online?

From the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services

April is Alcohol Awareness Month

When many people think of alcohol abusers, they picture teenagers sneaking drinks before high school football games or at unsupervised parties. However, alcohol abuse is prevalent within many demographic groups in the United States. People who abuse alcohol can be:

* College students who binge drink at local bars.
* Pregnant women who drink and put their babies at risk for fetal alcohol syndrome.
* Professionals who drink after a long day of work.
* Senior citizens who drink out of loneliness.

Or, from eHow.com;

How to Celebrate Alcohol Awareness Month

Alcohol awareness month is a great opportunity to show support for recovering alcoholics and raise awareness for alcohol safety. There are many ways to celebrate alcohol awareness month, some of the most rewarding and fruitful ways are within a school system through education about alcohol and its possible dangers. Follow some steps to help you celebrate alcohol awareness month and keep the spirit of the month alive and vital.

"Step Two" - Start doing some reading on new alcohol related information. Attend a seminar or class on awareness to stay current on information; visit an AA or ALANON meeting to connect with the population most affected by alcohol.

I had thought an alcohol abuser was someone in an old, tattered, dirty raincoat in an alley with cuts on their face. Today I know quite differently.

Celebrate? I don't know about "Celebrate" but I am curious about the suggestion for anyone to come and visit us in a meeting for the sake of connecting...

Who To Trust?

A sponsee came to me tonight with an extremely difficult personal situation. I mean really, very, very, challenging. We spoke through what we needed to speak through then right before we parted he posed the question of trust. Not sure who to trust because the violation occurred within.

From page 68;

"For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity."

Simple eh? :~)

Significant April Dates in A.A. History

Significant April Dates in A.A. History

April 1935 - Dr. Silkworth told Bill to quit preaching at drunks & tell them of obsession & allergy.
April 1950 - Saturday Evening Post article "The Drunkard's Best Friend" by Jack Alexander.
April 1958 - The word "honest" dropped from AA Preamble, "an honest desire to stop drinking".
April 1966 - Change in ratio of trustees of the General Service Board; now two thirds (majority) are alcoholic.
April 1970 - GSO moved to 468 Park Ave. South, NYC.
April 1, 1939 - Publication date of Alcoholics Anonymous, AA's Big Book.
April 1, 1940 - Larry J. of Houston, wrote "The Texas Prayer", used to open AA meetings in Texas.
April 1, 1966 - Sister Ignatia died.
April 2, 1966 - Harry Tiebout, M.D. died.
April 3, 1941 - First AA meeting held in Florida.
April 3, 1960 - Fr. Ed Dowling, S.J., died. He was Bill W's "spiritual sponsor."
April 7, 1941 - Ruth Hock reported there were 1,500 letters asking for help as a result of the Saturday Evening Post Article by Jack Alexander.
April 10, 1939 - The first ten copies of the Big Book arrived at the office Bill and Hank P shared.
April 11, 1938 - The Alcoholic Foundation formed as a trusteeship for A.A. (sometimes reported as May 1938)
April 11, 1941 - Bill and Lois finally found a home, Stepping Stones in New Bedford.
April 16, 1940 - A sober Rollie H. catches the only opening day no-hitter in baseball history since 1909.
April 16, 1973 - Dr. Jack Norris presented President Nixon with the one millionth copy of the Big Book.
April 19, 1940 - The first AA group in Little Rock, Arkansas, was formed. First 'mail order' group.
April 19, 1941 - The first AA group in the State of Washington was formed in Seattle.
April 22, 1940 - Bill and Hank transfer their Works Publishing stock to the Alcoholic Foundation.
April 23, 1940 - Dr. Bob wrote the Trustees to refuse Big Book royalties, but Bill W insisted that Dr. Bob and Anne receive them.
April 24, 1940 - The first AA pamphlet, "AA", was published.
April 24, 1989 - Dr. Leonard Strong died.
April 25, 1939 - Morgan R interviewed on Gabriel Heatter radio show.
April 25, 1951 - AA's first General Service Conference was held.
April 26 or May 1, 1939 - Bank forecloses on 182 Clinton Street.
April 30, 1989 - Film "My Name is Bill W." a Hallmark presentation was broadcast on ABC TV.

[Glenn C. laboriously gathered these dates in his research a long time ago and it is to his immense credit I reproduce them. (No thanks to bsmedia)]

I Don't Feel Like It

Do you ever just get the feeling you simply don't want to write anything today? I do...

Yeah, I know it's April Fool's Day. I sure don't feel like writing one of "those." And, yes, it's the beginning of the Fourth month therefore we'll focus on the Fourth Step this month. All the Daily Reflections will either be about the Fourth Step or the Fourth Tradition.

Then, when we have the inevitable moment of silence at the beginning of our meetings after a topic is requested and none is offered we'll either have a "can you bottom this?" First Step meeting or a Fourth Step meeting within which we'll hear "pass," "pass," and more "I'll pass." Because so few are working a Fourth Step with a sponsor and so many have court papers and want out asap.

Man, we saw a stack of court papers that had to be at least two inches thick last Monday. I sure wish Judge B. would start mandating addicts to NA rather than AA.

Oh well, so much for not feeling like writing anything...

Angry Vinny

At my first home group we had a member named Angry Vinny. Angry Vinny called himself Angry Vinny. I recall he used to say that he got enough from today's meeting to make it to his next meeting. Though that was valuable to me, that wasn't what I identified with.

Angry Vinny also shared that one night, while having an alcoholic black out he combined it with a rage-filled red out and systematically blew out all the windows in his house with a shotgun - while his wife and children cowered beneath the furniture.

I understood exactly what Angry Vinny was talking about. From that first time I heard him say it until today I remain grateful I haven't had a red out and a black out simultaneously, YET!

I also remain willing to do whatever it takes to avoid the frame of mind that could take me there.

The topic at the last two meetings was - you guessed it - anger.

The solution to anger, for me, has been the Twelve Steps of recovery. Thankfully.

Short On Thoughts?

Sometimes...

District meeting tomorrow, Tues. I count myself fortunate to be the GSR for my home group. It is an honor.

Continue to have strong feelings behind which there is anger. The shortcoming behind the anger is understood. I'm not unlike others who do what I am doing - finding comfort in the anger. It is old, familiar territory. Yet...

Yesterday when I attempted to make a request of someone sharing in a meeting in an inappropriate manner to cut their sharing short and show some respect for others - receiving a threat upon my personal well-being in return, I did not "rise" to the occasion. Those who know me saw the telltale signs but admired my lack of need to engage. I am grateful to my God these things have changed.

Yes, we do ban folks from our AA clubhouse.

Gratitude - a plethora of newcomers to the noon meeting who sound exactly like I did once and offer so many opportunities to practice these principles.

I passionately love sobriety.

Superman's Cape

That's what I thought I was wearing when I was drinking...

Impenetrable, Impervious, a Man of Steel. And besides, it was always someone else who experienced the bad things.

I Nevers. Had tons of those. Amazingly, many still have "I Nevers." And they spew them in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I learned from my friend Ronnie that there was one thing worse than a;

YET

and that was an;

AGAIN

Blah, blah, blah - I never had a DUI. Yeah - YET! Sure wouldn't want anymore DUI's AGAIN!

DUI's and a few other things...

[I'm sure that Superman logo is copyrighted by Marvel Comics but I hope they don't mind me using it]

Share It Until It Goes Away

Quite some time ago now, thankfully, a friend shared something in a meeting I'll never forget because soon after he picked up another white chip.

His name was Paul and he had ten years sober at the time. It was a meeting in Patchogue, NY at 10am on a Tues.

The sharing had made its way around the room before Paul spoke up. The first words out of his mouth were "I have a disease that is telling me that you are all full of sh**!"

As much as he knew that was untrue, it was how he felt at that moment.

I'm certain that there were many things he could have done, tools galore he could have picked up rather than picking up a drink but that's what he did.

I was thankful when he came back...

I can relate completely with his feelings. I often feel like you are all hypocrites. And I feel abandoned. And I'm sick of the BS I see and don't see.

But that doesn't change my powerlessness. I am as powerless over alcohol right now as I ever was. I have an entire spiritual toolkit to pick from. I will suit up and show up today. Yes, I've begun much of this with the letter "I." I understand that also...

"I'm responsible for the effort, not the outcome."

Right now, that small ditty disgusts me. And I know I'll get judged for that because that is what so many call helping. Well, your putrid judgments don't help at all.

It is still incredibly difficult for me to believe that one (or more) of "us" actually went out of their way to inform newcomers not to go to a meeting because it allowed crosstalk. I've got some not very pretty and choice words for you animals who did that in the name of sodriety.

And this "God is preparing someone special for you" garbage needs to just go away, far away. Yeah, therein lies the crux of my problem. So many of "we" let the 13th steppers get away with their "crimes" and yet "we" tell Mark he's soooo wunnerful because he lives by principles. I'm not giving those principles up but you folks who turn a blind eye to that behavior ought to fetch yourselves up.

And it ain't worth drinking over, or at - whatever the perfectionists wish. I continue to be worth not drinking!

Come Down Off The Cross

I want soooo badly to tell my friend with 27 years to come down off the cross we need the wood.

She won't listen to anything. Nothing. She is the victim and he is wrong no matter what he does. He's a newcomer again. He's actually doing things differently this time. But it doesn't matter.

Family counseling? Nah... she said he didn't suggest it, but he did! They can get it free for the next year. She made one session and quit. Two months ago. Two days ago it was him who didn't suggest it! She's wrong! She doesn't want to hear it.

She complains that he isn't making enough meetings. She complained about another friend who, for a time, didn't make many meetings. Now they're both making more meetings than she is!

He ran up the credit cards! Well, somehow her part in that has been forgotten.

Oy Vey! I get to be the sounding board... Ya' know God, I didn't bargain for this when you got me sober. Being in the middle isn't any fun at all. My boss wants me to put in a fair days work instead of spending that much time on the phone with you two...

Grow up!

Come Down Off The Cross!!!

Is The Puke On Your Shoes Dry Yet?

This was one I had the opportunity to hear happen live...

Happily, I've read Pammie's post about when a newcomer ought to be working the Steps. She brought back this memory.

I was attending a meeting in Mastic, LI, NY one evening and a newcomer had asked when would be a good time to start working the 12 Steps. Tony AA (25 years at the time) responded by asking her his own question;

Is the puke on your shoes dry yet?

Because it is never to early to begin working the Twelve Steps!

[Image from Wikipedia Commons]

Show Some Principles - Live Sober

Principles before personalities...

How about leaving the newcomers alone so they can focus on getting sober? You don't have a years worth of patience?

After all, you swore you could stop drinking anytime you wanted to. You had enough will power then!

It is simply my personal opinion, fwiw, but if you can't wait until that person you're so "in love" with gets sober then you really don't love them like you say you do. Your motive, your personal agenda comes first and you are a selfish, self-centered a**!

Living sober means showing respect for the welfare of others.

Cucumber? Pickle? Pickled???

Once you're a pickle, you'll never be a
cucumber again...

Get the idea? Quite a bit of difference eh?

[Pics from Free Clip Art Pictures]

What It Was Like?

I have a personal interest in this one... :)

How many times have we heard someone get up to the podium and begin their talk with "I'm here to tell you what it was like, what happened and what it is like now."

Arrrrrggggghhhhh!

Playing Big Book thumper - that's not what it says! Dammit...

The book says "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now." page 58.

My personal interest? I had the opportunities (more than one) to overhear my then wife on the phone (yes, I was) when she told a caller she "didn't know where it was and it's passed out on the couch." I was also told that one of her answers to a caller was "No, it's not home from work yet."

EGO = Easing God Out

Just Renting

When I expressed a thought that the oldtimers knew related to my possessiveness, they told me I was only renting the space I took up on this planet. Therefore, what I thought I "owned" really wasn't mine in the first place. What I feared I might lose wasn't mine in the first place. What I feared I wouldn't get wasn't mine to begin with.

Strangely enough, for me, it dawned on me one day that the wife and kids weren't mine to possess. Might have been that day when the judge declared the divorce final... thankfully, I don't understand the thinking of men who think that they can somehow countermand the judge through efforts at control.

Today's Daily Reflection explains it well;

"I no longer work for myself. I only get the use of the wealth God created, I have never 'owned' it. My life's purpose is much clearer when I just work to help, not to possess."

Automatically Serving God

Oh No! He's writing about God!

Mel B. writes about God too and as much as I'd like to repeat Mel's entire article, these three paragraphs ought to be sufficient for today. I'd suggest you click through and read his complete writing.

Service is God in action; when we seek to help others, we automatically serve God. If we cannot approach service spontaneously and lovingly, we should do the next best thing: we should serve because we need to serve for our own good.

Any AA member can begin to change his life by finding better ways to serve others. There are, of course, many opportunities to serve by working with newcomers and attending meetings, but there are also other forms of service that include everybody who enters our lives in any way. We can serve others by thinking well of them; our changed attitude toward them is bound to have an uplifting effect on their lives. We can put an end to gossip, jealousy, criticism, or any other disharmony among members of our family and friends. If there's any good that we can do for anybody, we can take the time to do it. And if there's something in us that balks at these suggestions, then we ought to find out what it is, for that's part of the barrier that lies between us and our ultimate realization of God's presence.

It never can be emphasized too strongly that, in the end, our thoughts and actions toward others color our own spiritual life. We become what we do. Acts of kindness, generosity, thoughtfulness and forgiveness must inevitably strengthen those qualities within us that heighten our consciousness of God's love.

Notice - it doesn't say that doing service work guarantees another 24 hours sober...

Oh, and also notice that most of us know someone that the last paragraph could pertain to rather well - in a negative sense, sadly, Micky/David/Patrick.

Get Busy Living

Or Get Busy Dying...

Is the saying that first came to mind once I'd read Mary's Weds. night post. And I don't do enough "Get busy living." (In mho lol)

Not for lack of trying. Trying and failing too often led to discouragement. Which brings up the thought of Father Martin and the aggravating feeling that it was his passing which was my final post at the last A Dozen Steps. Aggravating enough I won't even glorify it with a link. I will though, be happy to link to Fr. Martin's site and his remembrance.

Fr. Martin taught me that to try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, led to discouragement. Getting discouraged again and again led to quitting. And, for me, quitting leads back to alcohol.

I have a trait/instinct/shortcoming which occasionally drives me up a discouragement wall. Mary actually speaks to it without trying.

I won't attempt to explain it but, since I am certain I am not alone, I'll pose this question...

Do you believe in this saying?

"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

Personally, I have a huge, huge dislike for that saying, verging on hatred. How about you?

Btw, Fwiw, yes, HP and I, sponsors, advisors and I, have spent many hours discussing this coupled with working on all the dependencies that accompany it. Yet, this one remains stuck in my craw.

T.I.M.E.

T.I.M.E.

Time is a) Things I Must Endure, b) Things I Must Earn or...

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Perhaps the day will unfold when I'll re-discover the fellow from New Jersey who was in Morehead City, NC. when I was , who gave me this gem. I'm certain he gave it to others.

It is going to take time to be able to edit in all the resources and friends I had at A Dozen Steps. I wasn't given time to copy any of them before the sidebars on that blog disappeared.

Yes, it has angered me. Those resources were meant to help others and friends are invaluable. I guess I'm expecting fairness from those I gave effort to for three years but decency obviously wasn't one of their qualities.

I'll make it and restore everything eventually.

[P.S. - Happy BB Birthday dAAve!]

St. Patrick's Day Savannah Georgia

St. Patrick's Day here in Savannah, Ga., USA makes for a topic in AA meetings all over town...

I guess it's because there seems to be somewhat of a focus on the fact that it is some kind of alcohol drinking celebration - - - or something.

Anyway, here are some of the rules for the parade (from SavannahNow);

WHAT CAN I BE ARRESTED FOR DOING?

Police want paradegoers and spectators to have a good time but act within the law. City ordinances prohibit the following actions:

• Carrying bottles or cans of alcohol on the street. (Only paper, Styrofoam or plastic cups are permitted.)
• Carrying more than one cup of alcohol or a cup larger than 16 ounces.
• Taking alcohol onto River Street or into the gated area.
• Drinking alcohol in a parked motor vehicle.
• Drinking or possessing alcohol if you are younger than 21.
• Exposing yourself.
• Going to the bathroom anywhere other than in a portable toilet or restroom.
• Disorderly conduct; fighting.
  

The following state misdemeanor offenses require an appearance in court for citizens and business owners:

• Providing alcohol to a minor.
• Allowing a minor to enter an alcohol establishment.
• Selling alcohol without a license.
• Selling alcohol on Sundays.

For all the other rules click here. Enjoy!

[btw - beads are good but don't make "her" break the law, okay? Please?]

Intergroup Phone Numbers Around The World

Many of our plans may have been shelved because of the economic situation but if you are going to be traveling there is a resource that will help you find AA wherever you might be going.

AA Intergroup and Central Office Phone Numbers

"An "intergroup" (sometimes referred to as a "central office") is an A.A. service office supported by A.A. groups established to help carry the A.A. message. The intergroup usually relies on volunteer A.A. members to perform the service work. Intergroups usually maintain a listing of local A.A. meetings and a phone number people can call to find meetings or get information about A.A. Frequently they maintain an informational Web site too. Worldwide there are about 1000 independent intergroups."

Please travel safely...

Sorry 'Bout Your Luck Micky

Funny - Bill W. actually had you explained to a tee...

And many of us too :)

He kept asking himself: "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release depression?"

"By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer... 'It's better to comfort than to be comforted.' Here was the formula, all right. But why didn't it work?


Suddenly I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence - almost absolute dependence - on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.


There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away."

Yep, Micky, our ill friend, you are dependent on all of us for your opportunity to force your will onto others - for us to see your evil ways as opposed to the true love of a God we understand who has saved our lives and the lives of millions. But it's not working... sorry 'bout your luck.

Stop Doubting The Power

We see and hear reports of those who want to belittle, mock, hate on, and even wish to eradicate that which has saved our lives - Alcoholics Anonymous.

The process for me to come to believe that my recovery was an act of Providence was short. There was no way at all I was about to ever walk into a meeting of AA because I had suddenly decided it was the thing to do. Those who were here before me quickly made this fact of grace clear to me.

Along the way, through the years, I also came to believe that if "God was for me, who could be against me," and "Be still and know He is God."

Situations completely and irrevocably beyond repair were fixed and made whole by what could only be described as a power greater than I or you. Other situations weren't made whole and have remained broken for longer than a decade, became worse despite all efforts yet it also became apparent that these weren't made whole because there was a wisdom behind them that knew it ought not happen - yet.

Therefore, despite what seems to be contrary evidence, there is obviously, to me, a magnificent, loving God who will level the playing field and deploy reality checks for those who need them, by His/Her will. Not on my account because I am frustrated by the brazenness of AA's detractors. This doesn't mean I won't get frustrated often - people do/say some incredibly stupid/arrogant things to diminish that which saves lives, but, today, I am certain beyond doubt that, if the God I understand wants AA to disappear it will be at His hand, not any human hand. And there will be a completely valid reason for it according to His/Her will and wisdom.*

The Daily Reflection for March 15th;

"When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did."

* I.E. - don't expect it too soon :)

In Silence

There never were many who would offer comments at A Dozen Steps. I have no idea why...

And now I write in silence because no one knows this is here. So be it.

Today's reading offers us a list of spiritual things;

• Unconditional Love
• Joy
• Patience
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Self-Control
• Humility
  

Many of which I lack on a daily basis. More than that, characteristics that people I gave my blood, sweat and tears to for three years lack totally.

Today's reading also tells me that my goal is spiritual growth and it is a lifetime goal. Accepting that I'll never have spiritual perfection. Sadly, I've now known folks who are so deep in evil ways that spirituality is out of the question never to see the light of day in their lives.

For Those On My Last Nerve

Precisely...

For the "bsmedia" moguls;

Today's Reading Is A Must!

For me...

"We ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives."

I'll add - asking that my thinking be divorced from the anger I feel towards a certain "media" group which hides behind a false mask of respectability.

Third Step Mark! (Yeah, talkin' to myself...)

"Every day I ask God to kindle within me the fire of His love, so that love, burning bright and clear, will illuminate my thinking and permit me to better do His will."

There's a fire burning within, for sure...

Recovery Won't Be Silenced

Not by b5media or anyone else...

As long as I can see my computer screen, as long as I can type without excruciating pain, as long as I can keep what's left of my mind together sufficiently to create a worthwhile recovery resource, I'll keep writing.

I didn't write A Dozen Steps for the money. I wrote it for the passion, for the opportunity to present recovery resources to those who wanted them. I wrote it to work the Twelfth Step.

I'm not thoroughly disgusted with certain individuals because I cannot continue to write there. I can move on.

I am disgusted with certain individuals because I will never forget the disrespectful, totally inconsiderate, dehumanizing manner in which I was diminished. To be politically correct, I'm sure they'll hide behind a "contract" written in "human" terms and the provision they enacted to sh** all over me. But that will never work in the real world.

If you can't bring yourself to offer a common decency with simple respect enough to give small advanced notice to someone who poured their guts out on their blog for three years, then you are not a decent human being. And, if, or when, (very doubtful) you offer the fact that you're sorry, I want the world to know that, indeed, that is most true - you are definitely sorry!