This One Hurts

I am extremely happy for my friend in San Diego who called last night and left a positive message. A week ago he wasn't sure of a lot of things and now he says God has taken care of his needs. He ended the message by referring to page 317 in the Fourth Edition...

"When I am willing to do the right thing, I am rewarded with an inner peace no amount of liquor could ever provide. When I am unwilling to do the right thing, I become restless, irritable, and discontent. It is always my choice."

That is a choice I have today - do the right thing or not, not about drinking alcohol but about all the rest of life. I continue to believe that God will keep me unharmed because I am on the firing line of life with the right motives. But the story "My Chance To Live" doesn't end there...

She goes on to speak about life not heaping monetary riches on her head and I relate. She mentions that no amount of money or fame could equal what has been given her and I relate. She mentions being able to walk down any street, anywhere, without the fear of meeting someone I've harmed and I'd love to relate but despite all my amends there are those who have remained in their anger towards me. Loved ones.

Most importantly, she talks about her thoughts of not being consumed with craving for the next drink or regret for the damage she'd done on the last drunk. The craving has been removed - thank you God! I'm not so sure about not regretting the damage I did on those drunks.

What I cannot say but would love to relate to is what she ends with - she has been blessed with children who have never seen her drunk. Can't change that...

She has a spouse who loves her simply because she is - mine thought I was using AA to escape from reality and then there was something so wrong with me my touch was horrifying. She has regained the respect of her family - somehow because I am sober I am worse than before in their eyes and I don't understand. She asks "what more could a broken-down drunk ask for?" I know the answer to that question.

Yet I remain willing to do the right thing. And you won't smell alcohol on my breath. So, go figure...